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Babies Can Be Adults – Solve the tantrums before they start
Sounds rather odd. How can a baby be an adult. I will accept that many adults are babies - or at least act like one, I just don't know many babies that act like adults. Actually, that is not quite true as babies do act like adults. Right from birth, babies start to learn the various ways that they can get their own way. If we don't fall into line with their thinking, look out. A tantrum of some sort will follow. (hmm - I know some adults that act like this - tell me more,) Babies learn from an early age how to manipulate their parents. Along the way we try to shape their demands to meet our lifestyle, often the reverse is true, they shape our lifestyles to match their demands - and therein lies the big problem when it comes to tantrums and other poor behaviour modes. How do you avoid this problem? How do you teach a baby the right and wrong way to behave, the right and wrong way to make a request? Ultimately, how do you teach a baby to accept the word no? The reality is that you cannot teach them any of these behaviours. You can however not teach them. You can prevent them from training you. It is not an easy process. It takes constant vigilance. You need to be aware of everything that is going on around you and you need to be aware of the outcome of every action. Let's have a look at the action and its consequence. I cry - you pick me up. If you pick a baby up every time it cries the baby is going to learn early on that crying will be rewarded. Learn to read your babies cry. Is it a hungry cry? Is it a wet nappy cry? Is it an 'I am tired cry' or is a 'jump to my command' cry? Shape your action to the cry. Never jump up the minute baby cries, even if it is a hungry or wet nappy cry. You can let them cry for a minute or two. A tired cry, leave them to cry a little longer before picking them up – they may just go to sleep for you. The cry for the sake of crying type cry, leave them a little longer. One of the important things is to learn when you should talk to baby and when you should remain quiet. If the baby is hungry, talk them, "just a minute dear while I heat you bottle.....", a wet nappy, "just a minute and I will get your nappy ready". The tired cry is the opposite. Talking stimulates which keeps baby awake. Stay quiet, try to get baby to go sleep in bed, if not then pick them up and comfort them. Don't reward them by stimulating them. The attention cry is the difficult one. Talk to them but use words that indicate waiting. For example, "wait a moment while I.....". You may ask, what is with the talking? Babies cannot understand a word I am saying. This is true however it set the tone and sets a standard so that overtime, baby gets used to hearing these words. They get used to having to wait and with that, the occurrences of tantrums will be reduced. You also get used to acting this way. In effect, baby is no longer training you to jump, you are training baby to learn to wait. A final word of caution. Never leave baby to cry for too long under any circumstances. If baby becomes frantic then act - however when acting remain calm and do not appear rushed. Treat everything as normal - again, you do not want to train them to use the frantic cry to get attention. As they become toddlers, ask them to settle down before you pick them up. There can be medical complications if you leave your baby to cry for too long. These complications include hernias, mainly in boys but not unknown of in girls. You are the adult - you are the parent - learn your baby’s cries and learn to respond accordingly - you, baby and the rest of the family will find life is much easier down the track. Don't let baby learn how to manipulate you - that is after all and adult trait - and you are the adult - not baby – well you are aren’t you?
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This intel was contributed by lessca
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May, 2012
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